I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki
by Baek Sehee
A raw and repetitive look at depression, therapy, and the contradictions of wanting to live and disappear at the same time.
What It’s About
This is a short, unconventional memoir built from a series of therapy transcripts and the author’s reflections on them. Baek Sehee, a successful publishing professional in her late 20s, discusses persistent feelings of depression, detachment, and low self-worth with her psychiatrist.
Across twelve sessions, she explores the contradictions within her wanting to be seen yet fearing vulnerability, performing “normal” while feeling broken, craving peace but resisting change. The title captures that emotional contradiction: despair and craving, nihilism and small pleasure.
It’s not a story with resolution. It’s a window into a mind sorting itself out in real time.
My Take
Fragmented. Honest. Occasionally frustrating.
This book does something important. It normalizes therapy in a society where mental health is still heavily stigmatized. And there’s power in how blunt Baek Sehee is about things many people hide.
But the format is limiting. The repetition, the lack of deeper context or narrative movement, made it harder to connect for me. There are moments of clarity, especially when she observes her own contradictions. But they’re scattered among stretches that felt more like process than insight.
Still, I’m glad this book exists. Even if I didn’t love the reading experience, I respect what it opens up.
Would I Recommend It?
Maybe, especially for readers interested in Korean mental health narratives, therapy culture, or episodic nonfiction. It’s not polished or profound, but it’s honest. That might be enough.
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Read it if you liked:
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (for social context)
Fragmentary memoirs about mental health
Books where the format reflects inner chaos or disconnection
Where to Read It:
Buy on Amazon or on Bookshop.org
First time on Bookshop.org? Click for discount code
Also available via WorldCat if you want to check your local library
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